Waves

Psalm 93:4 Mightier than the thunders of many waters, mightier than the waves of the sea, the Lord on high is mighty!

This past week Jim and I went to Pawleys Island, South Carolina. Just over 2 years ago we went to Pawleys Island with Briella. She LOVED the ocean. She loved the waves. She tried her hand at boogie boarding. She learned to ride the waves.

Briella was never far from my thoughts as she always is, but especially at Pawleys Island and our time at the beach. This got me thinking about learning to ride the waves…but for me it would be the waves of grief. Many have told us of the ocean/wave metaphor of grief. Grief comes in waves. Some come fast and hard taking you under easily. This is especially true of early grief. Other waves are rolling, a little calmer and more subtle. When waves are strong, they come closer together giving less time between crests. Sometimes you could just be catching your breath as the next crest hits. “For the waves of death encompassed me, the torrents of destruction assailed me;” 2 Samuel 22:5. As waves become calmer there is more time to breathe between crests. At times things change, it could be a little change or a big change, and bigger waves come. Sometimes they catch you off guard and sometimes you can see the waves coming and prepare for them.

I am learning a new way of life as grief has become part of me. I’ll never get over it. Oh, at times I would love to, but that would mean forgetting Briella and I never want to forget her. Sometimes I hold grief close and other times I try and push it away but it’s always there just like the waves of the ocean. I’m learning to ride the waves. At times I lean into my grief and let the full experience of the wave hit me. I’m hoping that as I continue to experience grief, I get better at seeing the coming waves so I can better ride them.

One morning I took a walk. The house we stayed at was a few miles from the beach and about a mile from the Waccamaw River. I walked down to Hagley’s Landing on the river. I noticed the stark difference of the river compared to the ocean. The river was peaceful, ever so peaceful. The day before had me contemplating the waves of grief and learning to ride the waves and this day all I wanted was the peace of the river. There was a time when the disciples were out in a boat with Jesus. Jesus was sleeping in the back of the boat and the disciples feared for their lives. There was a storm and the disciples thought the waves were going to overtake them. They woke Jesus and with just his word he claimed the waves. “And he awoke and rebuked the wind and said to the sea, “Peace! Be still!” And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm.” Mark 4:39. I was also thinking of Peter and when he went to walk on the water to Jesus. When he focused on the waves, he started going under. “He said, “Come.” So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, “Lord, save me.”” Matthew 14:29-30. Keeping our eyes on Jesus will help us walk on water even in the waves. Walking on the water is kind of like riding the waves.

Lord, help me to trust you in my grief. To trust that you will always be with me and help me to walk this new journey. Some days the waves seem to overtake me. Help me to trust you to calm the storm in my soul and help me to have peace in the storm of grief. Help me to keep my eyes on you and learn to ride the waves.

AMEN

Firsts