Trusting
As weeks turn into months, life just keeps ticking away. But at the same time, I feel suck. Stuck in grief and gray and blah. It’s been 4 months since we last saw Briella. I so desperately want what I cannot have here on earth. I want everything back to the way it was before Briella was diagnosed. Life wasn’t necessarily easy then. Briella’s anxiety was high and I didn’t know how to help her. But I would go back to that just to have her here. But everything has changed and oh how I long for something to stay the same. Seasons keep changing. Summer has been hard. These are the days we had lots of extra time together…making all kinds of memories. Last summer Briella made a summer bucket list and we had so much fun checking things off the list. BUT GOD. God keeps showing up. After a hard couple weeks, I had lunch with someone who has been impacted by Briella’s Story. She is one of Briella’s 5. Briella’s “imagine” if I could help 5 people who really need it come to know Jesus. Stories of how God keeps using Briella’s Story…her faith…to change lives, is truly amazing. I love to hear these stories, especially when I am missing her extra and just want things to be like they were before November 12 last year. Some days I’m not really sure how I will get through this dark valley, but God continues to walk beside me. I still don’t like this valley, but I am so thankful for the hope I have in Him…the hope of heaven and everything being made right/perfect. Today I was reading in my devotional…
YOU CAN TRUST GOD WHEN YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND
At the root of my fear is a lack of trust in the heart of God. When the story of my life isn’t unfolding the way I thought it would, when a season of suffering lingers longer than I think I can bear, …-when everything looks lost and nothing seems right-it can be hard to see or understand the heart of God. And it’s difficult to trust what we don’t understand.
But His ways are not like ours. There is always more happening than we can see.
Just look at Jesus: the Hope of the world born in the form of a vulnerable infant, the way of salvation forged though significant suffering. What looked like utter death and defeat on the cross was really the way to ultimate life and salvation. What looked like the end was really the beginning of all things being made new.
So that hard we don’t understand? That pain we fear may break us? it may turn out to be the tool of our rescue…When we shift the way we see our suffering and trust the heart of God, we can let go of fear and be filled with peace because we know that He is working even if we don’t understand.
See, God has come to save me. I will trust him and not be afraid. The Lord God is my strength and my song; he has given me victory. Isaiah 12:2
*Breath as Prayer by Jennifer Tucker
Briella’s faith was a quiet faith. She didn’t quote Bible verses to people, but she lived out God’s word. She loved God and she loved others and she wanted them to know God’s love. She lived out her favorite verses so well…Cast all your cares on Him for He cares for you (1 Peter 5:7) and I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength (Phil 4:13). When life was not what she wished for or ever thought it would be…she trusted Jesus…she cast her cares on Him. Because of her faith she knew she could walk the hard road she had to walk because God was with her and was her strength. Briella’s faith inspires me. I don’t want to walk this journey of grieving and living life without her here, but I can cast my cares on Him and continue to lean into Him because He is my strength. When I want everything to be to be the same as it was before, God continues to quietly remind me that He is the same yesterday, today and forever (Heb 13:8). I will cling to Him. Briella may you continue to inspire so many in their faith and may your story continue to bring others to Jesus. To God be the glory!